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Avoid Heathrow

Heathrow is in a state of "increased alert" this morning, according to the yellow-jackets just before security in Terminal One. What this means is that they offer the following Kafkaesque service as a "convenience for my safety" (yes, they said that too).
I arrive at the entrance to the checkpoint with my single wheelie bag of approved UK dimensions.
The yellow-jackets ask if I have any liquids. I decide to avoid the tempting discussion of body fluids and say no. Crestfallen, they wave me through.
I join the long line for the X-Ray machine.
After a while I start to get ready for the invasion of my privacy. Among the preparations, I open my wheelie bag and remove the laptop, as requested by the security checkpoint signage.
The aforementioned yellow-jackets yell at me from afar that "only one carry-on is allowed", pull me from the line and insist I pack the laptop again.
After altercation, they agree that I may carry the laptop under my arm if I remove the protective cover from it so that it will smash to pieces if I drop it while obeying the rest of their instructions.
Satisfied they have made my life a little more miserable with an inexplicable set of instructions, they reluctantly allow me to rejoin the line for the X-Ray.
Why are these people there and why do they have these instructions? Are we all getting so used to intrusive security theatre that BAA feels it has to spend a little extra to cow its customers' customers into further submission?
Labels: travel

posted at 8:00 AM (UK) | |

Comments:

Organisation of security at Heathrow and Gatwick is clearly run by cretins, they don't hand you a box for the xray machine until the LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT. Which means you are invariably held up by people emptying their pockets, taking their belts off, scrabbling around for loose change in the bottom of their pockets, etc.

Its hardly rocket science to figure that if you gave people their boxes at some point in the X minutes they've been queuing then they are a bit more likely to be ready for the xray machine.

Alex

# posted by Alex : 9:08 AM

Well what do you expect? Fancy flying on September 11th or any other day of the week with a 'Y' in it for that matter.I have to admit that I quietly enjoyed watching an american executive being roasted at a french regional airport recently.When the x-ray guys asked him to remove his shoes he demanded 'plastic booties' so his socks wouldn't get dirty.Big mistake! I love France.

Nick

# posted by stupendousredman : 5:14 PM

@Simon, (yes this is the same Tim O'Brien from yesterday)

At least it's better than the security at New York LaGuardia. Every time I go through the security at that airport I'm confronted by baggage screeners telling jokes to each other, hitting on one another, and/or playing practical jokes on passengers. Last week, I saw a security screener comment on a woman's figure as she walked through the metal detector.

Hey, aren't airport screening devices one of the prohibited field-of-use restrictions in the.... ( :-) )

# posted by Tim O'Brien : 6:27 PM