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Sunday, December 27
For your safety and comfort...
There is only one way to make air travel secure, and that is to take security seriously and prioritise it above all other factors. We should learn from the most secure flights to date - operated by the US military for select trips to the Caribbean - and upgrade measures so that the antics of the Underpants Bomber can't be repeated.
In future, all passengers aboard planes must:
- Wear secured headphones for safety education and approved entertainment throughout flights, so that passengers cannot communicate with each other for co-ordinated attacks. It's possible Apple or Sony might sponsor these, reducing costs. This measure will also reduce incidents of unlicensed use of music, especially as people cross market boundaries, so maybe the RIAA will support this.
- Travel blindfolded. This prevents any awareness of location or time and ensures no targetted use of devices. This additionally defeats attempts to benefit from unlicensed movies, so MPAA sponsorship for the blindfolds is possible.
- Travel naked. This reduces opportunities for concealment of devices, although security staff will still need to use powerful scanners pre-boarding.
- Undergo sensory disorientation pre-travel, so that passengers do not know where they are seated or what the time is. This could be combined with the blindfolds and headsets.
- Travel in limb restraints fastened to the seat. In addition to protecting against unexpected turbulence, this will prevent any attempt to operate devices. Airlines could consider tube-feeding so they don't lose revenue from in-flight paid catering.
- Require a pre-flight "hotel night" where they spend 12 hours before boarding naked in solitary confinement under observation. This will eliminate the possibility of devices being ingested. Boarding will only be permitted with evidence of defecation.
There are huge cost-savings achievable for the airlines here, as well as potential new revenue opportunities and sponsorships such as those indicated. The pre-flight "hotel night" will naturally be charged extra, the need for in-flight entertainment systems is eliminated since no-one can see, hear or operate them, on-board toilets and galleys can be removed and replaced with extra seating and on top of all this far fewer staff are needed and training can be reduced. Ryan Air has already field-tested some of these, I gather.
In addition:
- Flights must operate to unpublished departure and arrival schedules using undocumented routes. This has the added benefit that flights can no longer be late.
- Business class passengers benefit from loin-cloths during boarding and in-flight sedation so they are less impacted by security measures. They can also purchase use of video goggles instead of blindfolds.
- First class passengers benefit from anaesthesia and are boarded on stretchers. Choice of approved drugs available pre-boarding.
All for your safety, comfort and convenience, of course. Relax, sit back and enjoy the flight!
If Naomi Klein is right, capitalists have been waiting for the Underpants Bomber. Let me know when you spot them. The hour is at hand for the Underpants Gnomes.Labels: travel
posted at 6:51 PM (UK) | Comment? (1 so far)
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Wednesday, April 8
Monday, February 2
Live, as required, in Sydney
 I don't know if it was the afternoon start, the problems with her keyboard, or something else altogether. But Juana Molina did not seem pleased to see a room full of people out to enjoy her remarkable and accomplished music in Sydney last Saturday. She seemed elsewhere - had nothing to say, commented condescendingly as if our presence was unwelcome or the venue beneath her, seemed ill at ease throughout the performance.
The music was worth hearing though. I'd not fully appreciated that everthing she does is live, and had anticipated canned loops throughout. As it is, she creates every song live, recording the guitar or keyboard notes in mid-flight and weaving the set-up into the song. My respect for her talent is greater than before - she is clearly someone deeply practiced in what she does.
The incident with the keyboard was also impressive. The one she was using failed and a replacement found. She performed while it was installed, performed while it was configured and loaded (from the floppy disk in her guitar case) and weaved the testing of the new one into the next song. All thoroughly professional.
The sound she makes live isn't as clean and rounded as her recorded sound - that's obviously polished in the studio before the bits hit the disk. Her audience was perhaps muted as well. It seemed to comprise women dragging along bemused partners to experience the happening. Row upon row of alternating nodding and bemused, tilted heads spanned the tent.
Finally the end came. Once the regulation period of suitable applause was submitted, Juana Molina returned for her required encore, delivered it with excellent professionalism and departed, perhaps a little surprised to discover how many of us were actually fans rather than anthropologists. Overall a worthwhile afternoon, but I'm not sure that her inner entertainer really shone through.Labels: Music, travel
posted at 4:09 AM (UK) | Comment? (0 so far)
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Wednesday, September 10
Saturday, April 12
Saturday, October 27
Tuesday, September 11
Tuesday, August 28
Friday, July 6
Sunday, June 17
FlyBE Bait and Switch
We just flew up to Edinburgh on FlyBE, which calls itself "the UK's number one low fares airline". Not that you could tell from the prices we paid. Each ticket cost nearly £300 return. But the fact the tickets were more expensive than a BA flight to most European capital cities didn't stop FlyBE treating us like we had paid £9.99 for the tickets. They still tried to charge £5 each for selecting a seat, £7 to check a bag, and more money for snack, drinks and so on. There was even an in-flight survey form that turned out to be a lead capture form for a direct marketer.
Now, I can cope with that if I am actually paying low prices for the flight. But when they have a tariff that charges premium prices for most flights, only offering "low cost" on the ones for which there's no demand, it feels like bait and switch. Either charge a premium price and offer premium service, or have a low, fixed cost and then charge for every damned thing. But variable (read: demand-driven, high) pricing with no service is just dishonest.Labels: travel
posted at 3:53 PM (UK) | Comment? (1 so far)
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Saturday, May 5
Genoud in Honolulu
 I've stopped in Honolulu on my way to JavaOne, pretty much because I could (I am using an air ticket where stops are free, and the hotel here is less than half the price the one in San Francisco is gouging out of me). I spent the day walking from Waikiki towards the town, and quickly came to the conclusion that Waikiki is not designed for a fat fortysomething married guy travelling alone. While I was walking though I did get the chance to listen to one of the new albums I've bought.
The album in question is 'Aqua' by Moncef Genoud. Yes, hardly a name that's rattling around the charts. This is another one where I got a free track from iTunes and went back for the album. It's great jazz, deliciously syncopated and melodic, with the sort of rhythms and melodies that remind me of Brubeck and Take Five. Putting it on repeat, it was all I could go not to hum along with it as I was wandering around Ala Moana shopping centre, realising that almost all the stores sell designer clothing for people other than me.
It was the title track that first hooked me, with its descending minor-key melody that runs as a motif through the whole album. Genoud improvises beautifully on piano, and he has sax and drums supporting effectively (I miss having sleeve notes). All ten tracks are long, around 8 minutes, and the confection lasted easily with only one track skipped (10) until after sunset for me in a walk on the beach watching the waves lit by the lights on the promenade. Just as bouncy Venus Hum was a good soundtrack for a Saturday morning walking towards Bondi from Sydney CBD, so Genoud provided a great soundtrack for a day even more alone in dense crowds in Honolulu.Labels: iTunes, Music, travel
posted at 11:05 PM (UK) | Comment? (0 so far)
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Tuesday, March 6
BT OpenZone Mystery
I just got a bill from BT for my UK WiFi account on BT OpenZone. Uh, expensive, yup, and I keep finding extra charges on it from when I use it at some hotel that charges extra without asking me (last example: some Hilton in London). And while I'm in Europe there's never a way to find out how much it's costing (so I take the greatest care to positively disconnect each time). One of these days there will be enough competition to sort this stuff out (maybe from Fon) - there's a great musing in the NYT this week about that.
Anyway, the puzzler is from the bill BT have sent me. Despite it being printed on paper that carries their VAT number, and despite it being very obviously an invoice, it says at the top of it in bold 24 point Ariel "This is not a tax invoice", presumably so I can't go reclaiming the VAT as a business expense. Since I gave them no indication why I was opening the (rather expensive) account when I did so in a hotspot somewhere, I wondered why they would print this. So I called their call-centre to ask.
James was very helpful, and offered to both send me a fresh copy without the offending words and to set my account to make sure it didn't appear next time, but I wondered why exactly the words were there at all. James told me he didn't know, but that lots of people had complained and that the ability to issue invoices that don't pretend they aren't invoices has been recently added in response.
I wondered why anyone would even bother to print those words - exactly who are they helping, and how? James didn't know so he referred me to Emma. Emma didn't know either but promised she would find out for me. So, Emma, over to you!Labels: travel, WiFi
posted at 3:13 PM (UK) | Comment? (1 so far)
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